TAG | resolving disputes

Jan/13

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Mediation Myths

There are many myths regarding mediation that need to be explored and dispelled. There is a lot of misinformation confusion. I’d like to try to clear some of that up by sharing accurate information regarding mediation and the services that mediators offer.

mediation services mnMyth #1: Only people who agree can mediate. If that were true, there would be no need to mediate. Of course people who disagree can mediate, just like people who are angry can mediate and people who don’t really like each other can mediate. All they have to do is agree to mediate, not agree upon every issue between them. Mediators do not expect their clients to talk quietly and never raise their voices, and a mediator truly has to feel comfortable being in the middle of people expressing anger and frustration, often times loudly. The mediator’s job, for example through restating and framing what a party says and asking questions, is to get them to really hear what the other is sharing.  Hopefully the discussions highlight where they have shared and common interests which allows parties to brainstorm resolutions.

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dispute resolutionMyth #3: A couple can only mediate if they have equal power. There are not many marriages where both spouses have equal advocacy skills. Ideally, both parties have equal bargaining power, but if they don’t which is more often the case, the mediator’s job is to empower the party who may not feel as comfortable in the process. She can see if the couple will agree to bring someone into the process who can help, such as a financial person or the party’s lawyer. However, there is a difference between unequal bargaining power and a situation where someone does not have the capacity to mediate. If someone cannot or will not advocate for himself or herself, whether it be because of personality, substance abuse or domestic violence, then only mediators with special training should undertake those matters, if at all.

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