New Year’s Resolutions

New Year appears in the shadows of winter, nudging us along, motivating our gluttonous souls forward into the growing light of future months.
Resolutions are made with intention and yet our resolutions often fall away, leaving behind a dimming glimmer of our hopes and dreams for ourselves, unmet and abandoned.

Many resolutions are familiar to us as we have all made these resolutions- to become organized, to develop a skill or learn a language, to exercise or lose weight, to eat better. Some resolutions are less familiar to us but perhaps should be more embraced in our lives.

January also brings resolutions of personal honesty and self-reflection. Mediation cases and inquiries accelerate in January. The metaphorical tinsel has been packed away and we are left with the clear and uncluttered truth.

“Something has to change. I cannot avoid this any longer. I cannot live like this any longer.”

This is especially true for separation and divorce. The process of divorce and separation is slow and arduous at times. Parties feel as though they are slogging through the sordid details of their lives- challenges and financials are laid bare to be examined and discussed by others. “Who is responsible for that mistake, why did you buy that, why didn’t you try harder?”

Who would ever willingly subject themselves to such examination? No wonder couples delay initiating a separation and divorce. Tonight there will be a spouse sleeping on a mattress in the unfinished basement, no longer welcome in their own bedroom but not yet ready to move out. The desire to avoid what needs to be addressed and rectified is powerful.

Mediation is an option to explore. Mediation is not about win/loss, right/wrong, accusation/defense but rather about what is the best settlement and resolution that leaves everyone as whole as possible, without shame or guilt.

The darkness of January will yield to the promise of more light and hope.